In the words of Amy Poehler 'we all have a demon'. This demon happens to be that little voice in our head that tells us we are too fat or thin, or too pale or that out teeth are too wonky and unfortunately it's pretty hard to ignore. If you've followed me for a while you'll know sometimes I struggle with my mood and recently that dark cloud has been following me around a little more.
I am the Queen of self criticism, which is pretty rubbish. I am able to pick myself apart in a matter of minutes, of things I dislike about myself. However saying something positive about myself is near impossible. The last few weeks the 'dark cloud' has been hovering in the background making me not the nicest person to be around. I refer to it as a cloud cos even when the sun is shining and I have everything I could possibly need/want to make me happy there is that doubt or negativity that keeps me from truly being happy. Don't get me wrong, I have my good days where I will like my hair or my make up and those days will be pretty okay.
Over the years I've learnt a few things. It's okay to cry - but for me it has to be when I'm alone. For some reason I see myself crying as a weakness. Sure, I'm the first person there to console someone when they're upset, but if they see me vulnerable I'm embarrassed for life. Unfortunately for me, I am an emotional person so keeping everything in all of the time can get pretty tiring. Lately everything has been making me well up and it's getting pretty silly. I mean who cries cos they saw a YouTuber hug their Grandma?! Oh, that would be me...
There was no particular point to this post, just a heads up if you're feeling low - you are not alone. Accepting that you are not the only one is one of the hardest but most rewarding things you can do with depression. Today might not be a good day but tomorrow might be the best. I surround myself with motivational and positive things, my phone wallpaper always has a quote or picture that helps keep my head above water. So if you're feeling rubbish here are some things that may help..
Finally this is for my husband.. Thank you for always believing in me, even when I doubt myself. You are the strongest person I know and my rock that keeps me from drowning. I know I am sometimes very hard to live with but I will, as always, I will weather this storm and keep swimming. I love you, forever and always.